Taking care of business

I am working on my thoughts on feminism/femininity.

I am working on some thoughts relating to childhood/development.

My perfectionism just gets in the way - I wish I had a naturally elegant writing style. Instead, I have a rambling, stream-of-consciousness-but-way-too-much-random-info-to-be-interesting, writing style.

So, I'm trying to make it somewhat interesting and worthwhile to read, just for my own edification.

In other news, I have been thinking about my problems with keeping my home in order (and keeping myself on track). The big thing is to create habits. I had a lightbulb moment the other day - I realized, that although I want to create these habits, and that I know they're good for me, I still have to make myself do them. I have to literally force myself to get things done, for at least a month, before it becomes habit.

This sounds really overwhelming and negative, but it's actually freeing and positive to finally know this. It's okay that it's hard - it's supposed to be hard. It will be hard. But only for a month. A month! That's it!

I have also tried to pare back on the things I'm doing - there's so much that I would like to get done, but I can't force myself to do all of them at once; that's when it gets overwhelming.

Baby steps.

In that light, I've been working on putting my work clothes away when I take them off. This is actually pretty easy, because I'm generally not as tired as when I'm going to bed - and it is cutting down on the clothes piles that I have around, at least.

I'm working to brush teeth/listerine every day. I will add in flossing again after that becomes habit.

Keeping the dirty dishes under control -- I really don't have too big of a problem with this. I do have issues when Jon makes dinner for me, because he doesn't have the same clean-up habits that I do. It's frustrating, but I just need to stop having "stinking thinking" about that, and stop "martyring" myself. That's also something I have to force myself to do. But, with the dishes, I've just been so tired lately that it hasn't been very easy.

I'm trying to become a better person, and I think I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it.